I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
