She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
