now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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