We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
