wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
