And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
