Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
