I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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