there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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