I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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