1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
