sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
