Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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