Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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