is your mom at the bar?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
