Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
