just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
