She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
