Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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