i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
