FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
love makes seman taste better
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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