I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
