quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
