she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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