My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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