Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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