Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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