The maid of honor just puked.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
