I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
