his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
