Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
