Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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