Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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