o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
