I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
