ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
