my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
