It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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