do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
