I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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