I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize