What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
