so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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