she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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