I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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