She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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