Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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