Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
