i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
