Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
