Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
