I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
