I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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