you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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