i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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