My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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