dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
