so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
as a side note pls kill me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
