let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
