Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
