i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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