I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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