I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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