I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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