Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
