bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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