Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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