Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
