I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
