so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
