he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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