We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
